Wednesday, December 31, 2014

A last note

My mom wanted to write notes to my sister and I. To say goodbye, to give advice, to say just one last time that she loved us. She never had time. By the time she realized that hope was gone so was her energy. She was just too sick.

I received an email from her on Christmas day. Part of our Christmas gifts every year are a Gift of Hope from Plan Canada. Something that will help a family given in our name.
I wasn't expecting it because we weren't doing gifts this year. It was beautiful. It was heartbreaking. It was her last note to me. I have no idea when she might have organized this. Directly after Christmas last year? I imagine so, months before she got sick.

Dearest darling daughter

I know you will be happy to keep those crazy mosquitoes away & and give the kids a chance at a longer and happier life. So, we're donating some nets. Love you always.

Love forever, Mom and Dad
You've just received a Gift of Hope – the gift of 12 bed nets.


Oh boy... here come the tears...

I hope Mom and Bailey are playing together somewhere


So today is New Year's Eve. I'm torn, like I seem to be all the time. I want to put 2014 behind me and let go of all the fear and pain. But when that clock ticks over it will be 2015 and I'll be in an entirely different year than my mom will ever be. And that breaks my heart all over again. I think it will never stop breaking.
Share/Bookmark

1 comment:

Shybiker said...

I'm sorry for your continuing loss, Danielle.

My mom died in 1990 and for years I felt the pain of her death. Our parents are so important to us and when one is loving, as your mom obviously was, their absence is hard to bear.

Try to carry her around in your heart and realize that she still lives on in you. Every gesture of love and kindness you offer to another is your mother reaching through you to live again.

And it's okay to cry. I still do.