Thursday, August 15, 2013

The invisible woman

Lets talk about invisibility.



I have been invisible for most of my life. I was a wallflower who let myself be overshadowed by stronger personalities. I was contented to play the ugly fat friend who was the sidekick. I forgot that maybe I should be a starring character on my own story.

Once I was sitting on a bus and a man wearing holey sweats and eating an onion sandwich sat on me. Granted, I was wearing my glasses (magic invisibility cloak) and it was on the night bus and he was probably drunk. But it doesn't change the fact that HE SAT ON ME!

In the last few years I feel like I've graduated from invisible to ... not. On a bad day I might only be merely nondescript, a genetic defect.

The other thing to know about me is that I enjoy doing things on my own. Travelling, movies, taking myself out in a date and having a glass of wine and dinner. 

One thing that absolutely makes me crazy and makes me feel invisible, lost and unworthy is when servers at a restaurant treat me poorly or just ignore me entirely just because I'm only one. When I lived in Melbourne, I had a handful of friends, all of whom were on completely different schedules than I. I was out by myself all the time. I can't remember ever feeling unwelcome because I was on my own. Actually, I ended up making friends with the servers at a fancy restaurant and they'd give me the best seat in the house. 

I think it's often a scary thing for women to go out and do what they like on their own.  So often we miss out rather than feeling uncool, alone, undesirable by going to do things by ourselves that, generally, are done with another and, therefore, are socially unexceptable. 

Today I sat at the bar, waiting for a seat outside. After 15 minutes someone asked if I wanted a drink. After an hour I asked it I'd was my turn on the patio and turns out they'd had spots for 20 minutes but didn't notice me. I moved outside and waited again. I know this is not a big deal. And isn't systemic. But when I'm already feeling emotional and vulnerable to be treated like less because I'm one person, rather than a group... Well, it just really sucks, man. 






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3 comments:

Cara said...

Danielle, you are far from invisible! In fact, for two years, every Wednesday or Thursday night, I would keep my eyes peeled for you, to see what fabulous outfit you were wearing. I never had to look for long -- you were always easy to spot. Before I knew you as "Keep Warm", you were "The girl with the awesome tights" Any place that makes you feel invisible or nondescript is a terrible place!

Style Journey said...

Aww, Danielle! I hope you don't feel invisible. I don't personally know you, but just from this blog I can tell you that you seem like an awesome person! Young, fun, sassy and daring. Don't let anyone make you feel invisible :) Heather

Shybiker said...

Boy, I relate. I'm shy and quiet and people tend to overlook me all the time. After decades of this, I've learned to be a little assertive but it's a real struggle for me. So I grasp your situation.

Hang in there and remember that there are good benefits from being the way we are. The negatives are apparent but there are benefits, too.

Yesterday, in a conscious effort to stand out, I posted provocative photos on my blog that few would show. Maybe that's overcompensating but I want to be noticed.