Rough seas

Oh friends. These last few weeks have been rough. You know the kind of days where you feel like a complete idiot, even more than usual. And, unlike most other days, you're not doing a great job of hiding it and everyone else can see that you're an idiot too.

That has been me. Every day has been the kind of day where you question your worth and value.

                           

I feel like I'm absolutely failing at life. Aside from having a wonderful cozy home that I share with my wonderful, encouraging Gentleman Caller (for whom I am eternally grateful), I feel like I'm behind. I'm losing the race. I think I forgot to even enter. I've made certain choices such as travelling for a total of 3.5 years that I wouldn't change for the world. But that also means that I haven't been building my career or furthering my education where all my other peers are.

I know that I'm 32 but in some ways I feel so much younger because I don't have it all figured out. I've spoken to friends who do seem to have it all worked out and they laugh in my face. They have no idea what they are doing either. Their lives just look good on paper.

I know you can't have everything at the same time. And usually I'm pretty good at remembering that a lot of the stuff that seems to define success in or culture is stuff that I have no desire for.

I guess we just keep moving forward and trying to figure things out as we go. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.