Yesterday I looked in the mirror and couldn't handle what I looked like. My head wasn't my own so I took the only action I have control over.
Today I cut my hair. Because it was time. And because the amount of long hairs that were falling out and covering the floor were astronomical and terrifying.
I sat in the chair and started to tell my stylist why I was there. And then I burst into tears. I had a lot of hair so it's difficult to explain how hard it is to lose half of it, especially when that's all that many people start out with. But I've always identified myself with my hair... and now it's not the same and there is less and less of it everyday.
The cut isn't dramatic just like the hair loss isn't dramatic to anyone who isn't me. But it makes me feel better about this body that isn't behaving in a way that I appreciate. And so, for today, that's enough.